Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
