piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
