I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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