Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You brought string cheese to the strip club
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
how drunk are you?
Several
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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