I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
