I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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