Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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