I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
