I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
