I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize