I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
