yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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