you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
