u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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