Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
