Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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