She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
there was a trapeze. enough said
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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