How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
