his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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