my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
