At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
