We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
