sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
