Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
