having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
