So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
