I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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