I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
