All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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