pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
