i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
