you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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