I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
