We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
