My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
