Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
