i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
