I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Two words: blizzard sex
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
