So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
