I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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