I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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