i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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