I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
