Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
