I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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