I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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