At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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