You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
