Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize