K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
