I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
