Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
