With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
