I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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