I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
