the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
