At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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