Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize