he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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