The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
