Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
