oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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