just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize