I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
