it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
