She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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