I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
