that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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