Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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