she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I need to stop coming to work sober
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
