hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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