I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
