And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
