I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
