does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
